Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
These tits shall not be calmed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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