I wish I could teleport
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
this hospital has no fireball
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
