My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i think i just lost a toe
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
