He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
