I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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