Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
