.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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