Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
