Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
