Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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