Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry my hands just texted you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
