im drinking this country out of the recession.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
