If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
