Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
