casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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