No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
