I want to have your abortion
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
