well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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