I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I could fuck to npr.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
