fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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