I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
