Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he thought i was a dude.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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