don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
