people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Enjoy the penises
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
