he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize