I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
