so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
