It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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