there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
