So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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