oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my poor anus
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
