just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
