I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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