Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
