I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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