You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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