Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
