vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He felt like a one man threesome
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
