Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
