I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
