I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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