There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
