I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize