just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
