He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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