Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize