She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
