I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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