Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
