he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sext me about skeletons
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
