they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
