Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How external is "for external use only"?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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