took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
