you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
