Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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