it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
