why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i came on her dog
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
