God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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