mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
