And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
