I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
