How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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