I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
