I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
