Rock
Scissors
Fuck
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize