I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize