her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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