and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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