And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
