I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
