omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
