i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
